And on the Seventh Day He Sqyubbed
by Sqyub
Summary: Satan was displeased with Adam and Even's plain, vanilla sex. How were they supposed to horrify and sicken the Lord if he didn't invent kink?


**And on the Seventh Day He Sqyubbed!**

Adam and Eve were getting it on in the Garden of Eden like two bunnies in the spring. Which displeased Satan greatly. How were they supposed to horrify and sicken the Lord with their behavior, if they were going to innocently frolic and have plain vanilla, heterosexual sex?

He started by undermining God's edict to "be fruitful and multiply". He showed Adam that if he killed a freshly killed lamb, that he could take a small bit of penis-sized flesh from the organs of the lamb to keep himself from impregnating Eve. And Adam did so, and was finally able to enjoy consequence free sex.

But this was not enough. And so Satan invented kink. He started slowly, teaching them how to pleasure each other orally, before moving onto whips and chains. He also taught them the joy of the anus, and showed them both how to use natural oils to lubricate the passage of slim dildos, and later Adam's fat cock, into both of their tight buttholes.

Then he taught them to enjoy the creatures of the forest. He turned himself into a snake, and slithered between Eve's thighs, enjoying the sensation with his cloaca as she took his scaly tale into her secret, womanly places. Eventually, he did the same for Adam, and made everyone very, very happy.

Before long, Eden had become like one of the Gothic Night Clubs located in the deepest, darkest reaches of hell. And Satan was pleased. Except that no matter how much kink he taught Adam and Eve, it still felt as though they had not reached the greatest depravity possible.

And so Satan taught them to sqyub. It was a slow process. Before the sqyubbing began, Satan had to teach Eve how to sheer wool from sheep, then spin it into wool, then knit the wool into fuzzy mittens. Then he had to teach her how to fasten the mitten to her wrist, before reaching deep inside Adam's flaccid anus to fist deep inside him, scracthing at his intestinal walls with her wooly fingers.

But the wait paid off, especially after Adam whimpered and cried out his delight, and Eve removed a shit stained mitten from his anus.

Satan wanted to see how God would top that one.

o:O:o

God was angered by the evil Satan had wrought, so he created His Own Son, Jesus Christ, and sent Him down the Eden to seek righteous retribution on His nemesis.

Jesus went to Eden and walked right up to Satan. He looked him right in the red and ugly eye and said, "Satan, you need to leave Adam and Eve alone."

But Satan was crafty and said, "Why should I leave them alone? They like what they are doing, and want to sqyub. It is not my fault that they prefer this to wholesome, boring sex."

Jesus saw that this was true, but had to try to get Adam and Eve to stop sinning. So he came to them, and begged them to stop it with the sqyub. He even offered Himself as a potential partner to Eve, if it would just get the fuzzy mitten out of her rear end.

But neither listened, and just kept up with the knitting of furry mittens and the thrusting of hands up digestive tracks.

At last, Jesus knew that He had to show Adam and Eve how disgusting their past time was. So He turned to Satan and said, "Sqyub me."

Satan was very confused, seeing as he'd never expected to sqyub the Son of God. But he did as he was asked. He shaved the pubic hair of God and Jesus Christ, and spun the hair into a thread, before knitting the thread into a human hair mitten. Then he and fastened the mitten to the end of his long, snake-like tail and thrust it deep into JC.

And Jesus cried out in pleasure as the mitten moved in and out. It was so good that Jesus wondered why He'd ever been against sqyubbing. He thought that it was even better than when the Holy Spirit had touched Him, and the Holy Spirit managed to work itself in so deep that it felt like it was part of His soul.

And in the end, God looked upon what He had wrought. And on the seventh day, He sqyubbed.


End file.
